Misforgiving

Apparently there is a right way to forgive and a wrong way to forgive. I’ve been “misforgiving” others for quite some time, and I haven’t realized it until now. Instead of forgiving “the debt of others” towards me, I have been enabling them to continue to hurt me even more. And it’s generally my fault because I open the door, no questions asked.

Think about it this way. Let’s say a criminal came to your house and stole. One method of forgiving them is going to them and letting them know you forgive them and you leave the past behind you and put the situation in God’s hands. Then there’s the other form of forgiveness where you say you forgive them, but then you put that person in a position to steal from you again. It’s like saying your way of forgiving them is by accepting their crime and allowing them to continue in that crime. This is the wrong way to forgive, this is “misforgiving”.

Most of the time we don’t do this knowingly. I personally believe the reason why we place our debtors in such a position is because we want to subconsciously test them. We want to see, wittingly or not, if they are actually worthy of our forgiveness. Unfortunately we misunderstand what forgiveness is really about. It is not for us to forgive the sins of others. Therefore we should not be testing to see if that sin is still there. We basically try to play God when we attempt to forgive, this also is “misforgiving”.

I am learning this as a first hand experience. I am starting to realize that I’ve never forgiven my debtors, I have only been merely enabling them to continue to hurt me. I continue to test them and force them to change. I’ve been acting like I’m God without even being aware of it. I went out to forgive a person and I ended up right back in the same hole I just came out of.

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